I Met My Soulmate, It Sucked.
A personal story about past-life bonds, heartache, and finally moving on
There are moments in life that shimmer with Divine intervention.
Those rare flashes where you feel something greater at work - guiding you, nudging you, throwing a lifeline to the version of you that is lost in the dark.
Sometimes those lifelines arrive in the quietest moment.
Sometimes they arrive in the form of an answered prayer.
And sometimes… they’re a cosmic lifeboat disguised as rock bottom.
HHEININGE art
The Pain That Wouldn’t Let Me Go
For years, I was trapped in a situation that made absolutely no sense on paper.
I longed for a healthy, loving partnership.
I was doing all the work - healing, therapy, journaling, trauma work, manifestation… and yet I was still being haunted by someone I didn’t even want to be with.
Not nostalgically.
Not romantically.
More like… why are you in my dreams again when I don’t even like you that much?
I carried a soul-deep ache for partnership while being pulled back to a person I consciously did not want. It felt like an invisible emotional leash. I couldn’t move on, no matter what I did. And it hurt - physically even. I remember sharp pain in the center of my chest. The longing was real.
We had already broken up.
Years had passed.
He had moved on.
Yet there he was - in my dreams, in my thoughts, in my energy. I wasn’t in love with him anymore, but it was like some part of me was still tied to him against my will.
It was painful, disempowering, and confusing. At times I felt like I was in a trance I couldn’t wake up from.
My Old Diary & the Moment I Saw It Clearly
When I sat down to write this piece, my mum randomly dropped off an old diary. (Is there ever such a thing as coincidence?)
I flipped through the pages and found entry after entry trying to make sense of my fixation. One line said:
“I keep having dreams about him. Why? Do I miss him or am I just scared of the future?”
And then another:
“It’s completely stupid and counter-productive and probably the exact thing keeping me from what I want.”
Even then I knew something was off. I just couldn’t break out of it.
I begged the Universe for answers. I promised that if I got a clear sign, I’d listen. I look back at that version of myself with so much tenderness. She was trying so hard. She just couldn’t see the forest for the trees.
I Was Doing Everything Right… and It Still Didn’t Work
I was not someone avoiding my pain. I was in it.
I journaled
I cried
I cut cords
I saw healers
I manifested new love
I processed the trauma
I did deep inner work
And still… the loop remained.
That’s when my mentor - the woman my mother introduced me to when I was 18 - said she’d go into my Akashic Records to see if there was something deeper at play.
The Akashic Records were a foreign concept to me at the time. She described them as a cosmic archive of every choice, thought and experience your soul has ever had. It sounded poetic, but I was skeptical… until she told me what she found.
The Soulmate Contract
In a past life, during a time of war, my ex and I had made a vow:
To love only each other forever.
He went to war. He never returned.
That vow - born in grief and fear - never dissolved. It followed us. Lifetime after lifetime. Contracting us to each other even when it no longer made sense.
And my whole body knew it.
I didn’t just hear the story - I felt the truth of it like my bones remembered it.
The Moment Everything Changed
When we cleared that Soulmate Contract, something unbelievable happened.
The dreams stopped.
The pull disappeared.
The obsessive thoughts fell silent.
I didn’t hate him. I didn’t miss him. I just felt neutral. Done. Free.
Years of trying, thinking, analyzing, healing, forcing… undone in the most unexpected, effortless way.
It felt like finding the “off switch” to a song that had been looping in my brain for years.
I remember thinking:
Was the key to the lock really five minutes down the road this whole time?
Yes.
But only when I was ready.
That experience changed everything. It was the moment I knew I would eventually work inside the Akasha as part of my path.
What a Soulmate Contract Looks Like in Real Life
If you’re reading this and nodding, you might be carrying a past-life Soulmate Contract too.
Some signs include:
recurring dreams about an ex that feel like visitations
feeling a pull toward someone you don’t even want to be with
feeling energetically blocked toward new relationships
believing they’re “the one” even if they didn’t treat you well
feeling like no one else compares, even though it wasn’t healthy
emotional withdrawal or bitterness after the breakup
feeling like love is over for you, even though you still want it
These contracts sound romantic, but they are deeply disempowering.
They override free will. They keep souls looping together long after the connection is complete.
And most people have no idea they exist.
The Gift of Hindsight
Looking back, I don’t see this experience as punishment or failure. It was simply part of the path, and I was given support the moment I was truly ready to let go.
Whether you believe in past lives or not doesn’t matter. The healing still works.
I now live with my partner, Lloyd, and our extremely human-like dog, Teddy.
Our relationship is gentle, real, imperfect, and chosen. Not karmically pulled. Chosen.
It isn’t the grand cinematic love my younger self imagined. It is better - because it is conscious, mutual, steady, and free.
This is the relationship where I learned:
Love doesn’t require perfection. It asks for presence.
Ready to Let Go and Move Forward?
If you’re stuck in a loop like I was - unable to move on, confused by your own feelings, longing for love but still tethered to the past - there might be something deeper going on.
This is exactly the kind of work I do now.
In a Soul Awakening Session I access your Akashic Records and identify any past-life vows, contracts, or energetic entanglements affecting your present relationships. You’ll receive insight into what’s happening, why it’s happening, and a personalised clearing process to release it.
This work doesn’t just help you get over an ex.
It frees your system to finally choose love, instead of feeling bound to it.
You deserve a relationship that is aligned and chosen - not one that feels like destiny on repeat.
