Why Thinking Your Partner Should “Naturally” Know is Destroying Your Relationship

The Power of Clear Communication: Why Thinking Your Partner Should “Naturally” Know is Destroying Your Relationship

We’ve all been there. The silent treatment. The passive-aggressive comment. The simmering resentment. We think to ourselves, “My partner should just know what I want/need/make me happy. Why do I have to spell it out?” But here's a truth for you: nobody is a mind-reader. We cannot expect our partners to “just know” what we want. Communication is key in any relationship, and clear communication is essential in order to build a healthy, fulfilling partnership.

Communication and working through conflict builds a strong foundation

It is crucial to communicate our needs and boundaries to our partner if we want to be happy in a relationship. If something is bothering us, if we have a need that isn't being met, if we feel boundaries are being crossed, it is our responsibility to speak up and share this with our partner. Keeping these things to ourselves erodes the foundation of your partnership and can lead to resentment, anger and frustration.

Communicating is courageous 

However, it is not always easy to speak up. Many of us have been conditioned to believe that expressing what we want or need makes us needy or demanding, or that we should wait for our partner to intuit our desires, because if they truly care or are ‘right’ for you, they will "just know." This couldn’t be further from the truth. Being vulnerable and empowered to communicate our needs is incredibly courageous and necessary for healthy communication in a relationship.

It’s unfair to expect our partner to ‘just know’

Clear communication is vital in a relationship because it promotes mutual understanding and respect. When we communicate openly and clearly, we give our partner a chance to meet our needs and we remove the guesswork from the equation. It is unfair to expect our partner to know exactly what we want or need without clear communication. And, when our partner does meet our needs, we improve our connection, intimacy, and overall happiness in the relationship.

Why we don’t communicate

Perhaps the biggest reason why we avoid communicating our needs and boundaries is that we don’t want to confront an uncomfortable situation or be seen as a difficult partner. However, in the long run, it is much better to deal with a situation considerately and openly than to let it fester and escalate. By clearly and courageously stating our needs and boundaries, we show ourselves to be a partner who respects and values ourselves. We give our partner a chance to step up and meet our needs, and we build mutual trust and respect.

Remember…

Finally, it is important to understand that communication is a two-way street. Our partner needs to be receptive and willing to communicate, too. If they are not willing to engage in open communication, it is time to have a conversation and review the expectations of the relationship. A relationship where only one partner actively communicates will eventually become unbalanced.

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